he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
