I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize