i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
