No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize