Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
