um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
