I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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