Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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