So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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