I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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