apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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