why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
