Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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