I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
