You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
