is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize