Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
