dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize