Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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