Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
