Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
