Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
