i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
