I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
