she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
