just come out here and I will go home with you...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
