dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
