rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
