You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
