Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
