the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
