White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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