My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
