I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The Olympian is in my bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
