at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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