I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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