New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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