I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
