Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
