watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
