I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Terrible idea I love it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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