i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
