dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
