Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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