I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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