apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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