The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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