I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
