we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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