Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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