Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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