I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
