i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
