So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
