It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
