I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize