Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
