i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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