OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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