i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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