I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
