true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
