i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
