I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
