we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
